Archives for posts with tag: Feelings

Am I a procrastinator?  Sometimes I think I am and sometimes I think I am not.  What makes one a procrastinator?  I will think and write on these things.

I started off writing and naming this blog site as Family Memories, but I have written very little about family and very little about memories.  I had planned to write a new blog at least on a weekly basis, but that hasn’t happened either.  Was it because I am procrastinating, was it because I didn’t feel like I had anything valuable to write that day, or was it because my plans for the day are always changing based on someone else’s plans for me, or someone else’s needs at the moment.  e.g. How many times have you been about to make a phone call when someone else phoned you or asked you for a favour or said they were hungry and then you stopped what you were doing to do something else?  Do we always think that we will have more time, that we will make that phone call another day?  Do we really believe that we know for sure that we will have another day to talk to that person?

Today, I WILL call my Mother.  Today, I have written a blog.  Yes, it is a short blog, but who says that blogs have to be long?  Who says that blogs have to be full of wisdom?  Today, writing this blog has not been easy.

Yes, phone lines go both ways, but we need to keep in touch with those we love, because we never know how long we will have them around or how long we will be around.  Never miss an opportunity to say “I Love You” to those you love.

As I read various readings this morning, my mind was so confused.  I read Psalms 25 and was struck by the words in verses 4 and 5.  “Shew me thy ways, O Lord; teach me they paths. Lead me in thy truth, and teach me: for thou art the God of my salvation; on thee do I wait all the day.”  Beautiful words which we like to hear.

But then, I was led to Psalms 137 which starts out with “By the rivers of Babylon, there we sat down, yea, we wept, when we remembered Zion.”  Most of us would remember hearing these words and would even break out in song, upon hearing them, but how many of us really think about them or about the rest of this Psalm – a song of sadness and a song of hate…..yes, hate!  And yes, why not hate, when we remember what happened to the peoples of Israel, what happened to the people of Africa, what happened to the peoples of many of the Caribbean Islands.  I recently read two books – “The Covenant” by James A. Michener and “The Book of Negroes” by Lawrence Hill and also read “Roots” by Alex Haley some time ago and believe me, they are not easy books to read; and reading through the Old Testament alone gives us lots of examples of what Israel went through.

Eugene H. Peterson calls Psalms 137 the Scandal Psalm and says many people would like to remove it from the Psalms because it does express hate, but as I contemplate what would have been in the hearts of people who were torn from their land, their families, their loved ones, their people and who also had their children, their precious babies torn from them, would I not feel hate. Yes, when we are hurt, when we are violated, when we are in great pain, when we don’t understand why things are happening, God wants to hear how we feel.  God is a big God – He can handle how we feel and He can help to turn us around and help us work through our hate and our great sorrow.  God does not want us to suppress our feelings.  He wants us to express them and the Psalms illustrate this over and over again.  Peterson used this sentence which really struck me – “A ship that is dead in the water can’t be steered”.

Yes, sometimes we will feel actual hate – admit it, but then pray it out to God and let Him guide you in His ways. Many, many things we don’t understand, but all will be revealed to us one day.  Psalm 136:1 ” O Give thanks unto the Lord; for He is good: for His mercy endures for ever.”  He will understand us even when we don’t understand ourselves.

Welcome to my world of blogging and recording life and family memories!

As I was reading the book “The Secret Life of Bees” by Sue Monk Kidd this morning,  I started to think of childhood memories. The little girl in the story was trying “to conjure up a memory of her mother, just a sliver of something, like her tucking me into bed at night”.  This thought led me to ask my husband, who lost his mother at the age of 10, to try to recollect memories of her from his childhood.  As he was not living with his mother most of this early childhood, he had very few memories of her, but the few memories that he had brought tears to his eyes.  It would have been really helpful to have digital cameras back in those days.  We remember so much from seeing pictures of events.

What could I remember of my paternal grandmother?  I thought about this for some time and the memories were so vague….I was young, very young but I did have faint recollections of the house she lived in – the upstairs apartment of my uncle’s house, and memories of visiting her by entering through the back of the house and going up a stairwell.  I remembered the smell of freshly baked cookies.  I remembered her snow white hair, but then, am I just remembering a picture of her?   I do, however, remember very clearly the early morning that my mother opened our bedroom door – the bedroom shared with my sisters – and, carrying a kerosene lamp, entered to tell us that Grammy had died during the night.  The memory seems so sad.  I wanted to see her just one more time.  Does that longing for one more time ever NOT exist?

Memories, memories!  How important are the memories of our childhood!  Nowadays, social network sites and digital cameras  certainly make it easier for our children and our grandchildren to remember what people looked like or what they did on vacation, or other family events; however, the power of written word can tell so much more.  I have now decided to publish “the written word”.  I hope that through this avenue I can share some of my life, thoughts and memories with family and friends.