Archives for category: Feelings

Reading and more reading and Words and more words!.

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I have been playing Lumosity for about 15 months now for the sole purpose of improving my brain’s ability to think, process, improve, grow, and just overall, become better and, of course, prevent it from “going limp” – it does that some time, you know.  Well, today I think that I am losing the battle.

Granted, the longer one plays the games, the harder they get, but that mean little program tracks my improvements or non-improvements on a daily basis and as I am about to log out of the program, there it is on a chart right before my eyes.  Just like the stock market graphs, it looks great when it is going up and up and up, but not so great when it is going down and down and down.  I am not even fussy about the level lines.  It does mean that I am maintaining, but I like the upward spiral.

Oh well, I guess each day I am getting older too so I am fighting that as well as the fact that today I have a lot on my mind.  I mean, have you counted how many days are left before Christmas?  Have you figured out what you still have left to do?  But hey, it snowed most of the day today and “It’s Beginning to look a lot like Christmas”, so smile and be happy and hope that the Brain is more cooperative tomorrow when you want just the right word and it’s misfiled once again.  Things will get better!!

I had the pleasure of picking up our two grandson, ages 7 and 2 yesterday at about 2pm and had them until 4pm today.  The little one-Grandson #2- had only slept over once before and since he is generally not a good sleeper at nights…..meaning he doesn’t sleep right through the night, I was prepared. 

We had a wonderful time during the day, playing with multiple toys, reading many, many books and getting lots of exercise to tire him out.  I gave him a “fun bath”  early in the evening, put on PJ’s and read more stories.  He loves book and we have a special chair which I must sit on and he climbs up on my lap.  At 2, he is already reading pictures, pointing out his favourite things and he has very definite opinions on what he likes and often wants to just go to particular pages in the book so he can laugh at the picture or say “Ouch” at appropriate pictures.  By 9pm, after all the hugs to Poppy, Daddy and Brother, we were off to bed.  All went well and he was almost asleep when he heard his Daddy’s voice talking to “Big Brother”.  That was it….he wanted Daddy.  Since he had not had any milk since supper, I decided perhaps he should get up again and have a sippy cup.  Back out to the living room we go, he chats to Daddy and Brother and drinks every last drop of his milk, and then without any complaint, he grabs a few “stuffies” and sensing I was serious this time, he curled up in his bed and was asleep within a few minutes.  Aaah!  Time now to spend some quality time with Grandson #1 and give Daddy a break as he was up since 6am for work and didn’t get home until 5:30pm.  After playing a few “Brain Training” computer games, we decided to watch a number of old videos of various events in his life with Momma, Poppy, Daddy, Auntie, and Big Sister.  He delighted in seeing himself at the various stages, two, three, four, five and laughed at his own antics.  Even though he kept insisting he wasn’t tired and didn’t want to go to bed, when his head hit the pillow, he was out like a light.

Now my bedtime!  I had a fear that if the little one woke up, I might not hear him, so just to make sure, I ensured there was a bright nightlight in the hallway, I blocked the hallway off from the stairs and just as an extra precaution, I closed their bedroom door and left mine open.  Did I need to worry whether I would hear him if he woke up?  Not for a second – as soon as he whimpered, my feet hit the floor.  I wonder – what is it about a mother’s makeup which, when her child or grandchild whimpers, she can rise from a deep sleep and be there in two seconds, ready to hug and console.  Men might hear if the child makes enough noise, but generally they just sleep through it all.

Thank God that He gave us that instinct – to not only hear instantly, but to also have the ability to comfort and console even when we are exhausted ourselves, and thank God for grandchildren whom we can love and cuddle and nurture, and then send them back home so that we can rest. 

High Five to all the Mothers and Grandmothers out there who see their children through the good times and the bad.  The time you spend will not be forgotten.  Dads and Granddads, you are important too, but this article is about Motherhood.

 

 

Am I a procrastinator?  Sometimes I think I am and sometimes I think I am not.  What makes one a procrastinator?  I will think and write on these things.

I started off writing and naming this blog site as Family Memories, but I have written very little about family and very little about memories.  I had planned to write a new blog at least on a weekly basis, but that hasn’t happened either.  Was it because I am procrastinating, was it because I didn’t feel like I had anything valuable to write that day, or was it because my plans for the day are always changing based on someone else’s plans for me, or someone else’s needs at the moment.  e.g. How many times have you been about to make a phone call when someone else phoned you or asked you for a favour or said they were hungry and then you stopped what you were doing to do something else?  Do we always think that we will have more time, that we will make that phone call another day?  Do we really believe that we know for sure that we will have another day to talk to that person?

Today, I WILL call my Mother.  Today, I have written a blog.  Yes, it is a short blog, but who says that blogs have to be long?  Who says that blogs have to be full of wisdom?  Today, writing this blog has not been easy.

Yes, phone lines go both ways, but we need to keep in touch with those we love, because we never know how long we will have them around or how long we will be around.  Never miss an opportunity to say “I Love You” to those you love.

As I read various readings this morning, my mind was so confused.  I read Psalms 25 and was struck by the words in verses 4 and 5.  “Shew me thy ways, O Lord; teach me they paths. Lead me in thy truth, and teach me: for thou art the God of my salvation; on thee do I wait all the day.”  Beautiful words which we like to hear.

But then, I was led to Psalms 137 which starts out with “By the rivers of Babylon, there we sat down, yea, we wept, when we remembered Zion.”  Most of us would remember hearing these words and would even break out in song, upon hearing them, but how many of us really think about them or about the rest of this Psalm – a song of sadness and a song of hate…..yes, hate!  And yes, why not hate, when we remember what happened to the peoples of Israel, what happened to the people of Africa, what happened to the peoples of many of the Caribbean Islands.  I recently read two books – “The Covenant” by James A. Michener and “The Book of Negroes” by Lawrence Hill and also read “Roots” by Alex Haley some time ago and believe me, they are not easy books to read; and reading through the Old Testament alone gives us lots of examples of what Israel went through.

Eugene H. Peterson calls Psalms 137 the Scandal Psalm and says many people would like to remove it from the Psalms because it does express hate, but as I contemplate what would have been in the hearts of people who were torn from their land, their families, their loved ones, their people and who also had their children, their precious babies torn from them, would I not feel hate. Yes, when we are hurt, when we are violated, when we are in great pain, when we don’t understand why things are happening, God wants to hear how we feel.  God is a big God – He can handle how we feel and He can help to turn us around and help us work through our hate and our great sorrow.  God does not want us to suppress our feelings.  He wants us to express them and the Psalms illustrate this over and over again.  Peterson used this sentence which really struck me – “A ship that is dead in the water can’t be steered”.

Yes, sometimes we will feel actual hate – admit it, but then pray it out to God and let Him guide you in His ways. Many, many things we don’t understand, but all will be revealed to us one day.  Psalm 136:1 ” O Give thanks unto the Lord; for He is good: for His mercy endures for ever.”  He will understand us even when we don’t understand ourselves.

Welcome to my world of blogging and recording life and family memories!

As I was reading the book “The Secret Life of Bees” by Sue Monk Kidd this morning,  I started to think of childhood memories. The little girl in the story was trying “to conjure up a memory of her mother, just a sliver of something, like her tucking me into bed at night”.  This thought led me to ask my husband, who lost his mother at the age of 10, to try to recollect memories of her from his childhood.  As he was not living with his mother most of this early childhood, he had very few memories of her, but the few memories that he had brought tears to his eyes.  It would have been really helpful to have digital cameras back in those days.  We remember so much from seeing pictures of events.

What could I remember of my paternal grandmother?  I thought about this for some time and the memories were so vague….I was young, very young but I did have faint recollections of the house she lived in – the upstairs apartment of my uncle’s house, and memories of visiting her by entering through the back of the house and going up a stairwell.  I remembered the smell of freshly baked cookies.  I remembered her snow white hair, but then, am I just remembering a picture of her?   I do, however, remember very clearly the early morning that my mother opened our bedroom door – the bedroom shared with my sisters – and, carrying a kerosene lamp, entered to tell us that Grammy had died during the night.  The memory seems so sad.  I wanted to see her just one more time.  Does that longing for one more time ever NOT exist?

Memories, memories!  How important are the memories of our childhood!  Nowadays, social network sites and digital cameras  certainly make it easier for our children and our grandchildren to remember what people looked like or what they did on vacation, or other family events; however, the power of written word can tell so much more.  I have now decided to publish “the written word”.  I hope that through this avenue I can share some of my life, thoughts and memories with family and friends.